From a very early age I sensed a voice inside me beyond my own. An awareness that was wise and had access to a healthy state of mind.
I was born in 1951 to a young 22 year old mother who had been neglected as a child. She was not aware she was pregnant with me for the first 4 months. She divorced my father when I was a year old, left the east coast and drove across the country with me and a German shepherd puppy. She was following an instinct without knowing why.
In order to live with my mother while she was exploring her path, I learned to adjust moment to moment to stay safe and connected to her. I had the belief that if I did not stay connected, I would die. This created an unhealthy dependency on other people throughout my life to validate me and keep me safe. I could see it, I knew where it came from, but I could not change it.
As I got older, I could feel it in my body when I was acting from a scared and needy place rather than a place of empowerment. I spent many years in therapy, trying many different modalities searching for what could move me beyond fear and self doubt.
I had many gifts and talents that illuminated a more authentic path for me, a path informed by a deeper wisdom which I have learned I could have accessed at any time.
At the age of 4, I began to dance and found I could move with ease and confidence in my body. I felt at home. In my early 20s, exploring what my talents were and what I wanted to do, I decided to pursue bodies as an interest and see where it would take me. I went to massage school in San Francisco in the early 70′s. Like water flowing down the side of a mountain, I continued to follow the lead of my bodies’ heart. Dance, movement and exercise were natural extensions of the bodywork I had developed.
When I married and became pregnant, I taught prenatal classes in massage and exercise. At one point I was invited to a birth. I became a ‘birth coach’ and developed visualization work inspired by the Simontons who were using guided imagery with cancer patients. The use of this process creates an internal focus and during a birth, affects a very positive outcome. I partnered with many couples during their births for 15 years. The term ‘Doula’-meaning birth coach-had not emerged at this time. There were no certifications for the work I was doing but I followed my impulses and instinctively trusted myself. Visualization has grown to be a part of all the work I do now.
My marriage ended with an amicable divorce which I perceive as a new paradigm emerging between people. The next relationship began within the early childhood false belief that I had no value unless I was connected to someone. This created pressure on the person I was with to validate me. I have learned that a false belief will continue to create evidence the belief is true. The relationship ended leaving me to face this false center directly. Crafting the skills to recognize and shift out of these false beliefs is what changed my life and gave me access to the Self I always knew was there. Now with a new identity I have an entirely different kind of relationship based on personal responsibility, confidence and direct communication.
Death like birth is a portal. My bodywork has taken me to the bed side of people who are dying. I saw how helpless people were when the body of their loved one was taken away.
I was also aware of the sometimes impersonal ceremony the funeral homes created for people’s loved ones. In that spirit I began to create burial vessels for ashes out of gourd’s. Through a show in San Francisco, I met Jerry Grace Lyons who was teaching ‘Death Coaching’ to support people being pro-active in the care of their dead and creating ‘in home funerals’. This possibility felt like familiar territory for me having been to births. Taking her training opened another arena to facilitate people creating meaningful individual closures with their loved ones.
Drawing on my life experience and personal development, I incorporate any or all of the modalities of bodywork, movement or mentoring in order to work closely with people while in their process. I watch peoples’ posture, feel their energy, sense their emotions and the field around them. I navigate with them through the obstacles into the cracks and crevices of long held beliefs and emerge with access to an expanded awareness and the skills to sustain this new sense of themselves.
In order to serve the deepest levels of all the people in my life, I continue to explore the canyons of my soul, unearthing my potential with the hope to inspire others to descend into the center of their authentic Self and emerge into a life beyond what they have imagined.